My "Rescue 9-1-1" Blunder-- Part Two

...and here's "the rest of the story!"

Well, we had some time to rehearse alright, but not because of my request.  The house was disgusting and the cast/crew had made some comments, even sending someone to the store to get cleaning supplies.  The girls (of course) came back with rubber gloves and disinfected what they could, plus had to do the dishes, etc.  Well, the owners (and the subjects of this episode) overheard comments and were offended that anyone would find their home abnormally dirty.  (Think "Hoarder" episodes... hey, the flies were going out the doors...)  They threatened to throw everybody out.   (Darn, they didn't!)

So, trying to rehearse was a nightmare between the cleaning crew, arguing and who would have a better sense of smell than a human???  You got it!  The dogs were so distracted with the place they couldn't focus for more than a second.  Plus, I saw the original dog scratching... I pulled my gang out and we practiced in the motor-home, applying a generous amount of flea protection to the dogs.  I also appreciated being able to keep an eye on my Range Rover to make sure it hadn't wound up on blocks... such was the neighborhood.

After observing the situation, most of us were having trouble believing the storyline...  We started shooting mid-afternoon while the production company unhappily arranged for a second night in the hotel and the per-diems.  We weren't starving, because "Ann" was smart and put stuff in her fridge.  The three of us went through two pounds of M & M's we nicknamed "stress tabs."

One scene, the director, me, an actress and the cameraman were in the bathroom getting a shot of the dog coming through the door to the shower.  (I was actually getting the dog to come to me, so I was in the shower with the actress portraying the mother, fully dressed with shoes on and still grossed out even though it got bleached!)  The poor cameraman had to sit on the toilet because the director was in the only other out of range spot.  I said to the cameraman, "That has got to be against union rules."  He said, "If not, it's at least against the laws of humanity!"

This whole shoot was like an out-of-body experience in a dream you can't wake up from.  The main dog's owner we'll call "Bertha" decided she should be paid a trainer's fee because we needed her help sometimes.  That wasn't in the budget, but she was ticked and I was frazzled, so I believe I gave her a cut of my ever-dwindling profit to stop her from walking off with her dog in the middle of the shoot.  They weren't going to give her money as they didn't even like her.   I was asked to tell her to chill or leave the set more than once.

Thankfully, "Ann" was calm and helped me through this, helping to figure out how to "cheat" some shots and keeping "Bertha" at bay.  When we were finished, we were so drained we just grabbed stuff and left.  I needed to get the other collie home (she did get some face time though!)  Of course, I left two brand new personalized director's chairs in that backyard, a cooler and who knows what else.

I hadn't talked to the sitter in a few hours, so decided to stop at a pay-phone to save some money and call.  Well, it turns out that two year old Audra had been helping herself to the cupboard while the sitter was on the phone.  She grabbed a box of red jello (which was a fluke we even had it, but it came with free alphabet cookie cutters someone gave her for Christmas.)  She ripped open the box and spilled the powder in the center of our living room on the pale silver carpet.

Not a big deal, except instead of vacuuming it up, the sitter claimed they didn't want to ruin my "sweeper" so they, "mopped it up as best they could."  I let that process a second and then I said, "what do you mean by 'mopped it up?'  You added water?????"  Take a guess.

I came home to an enormous red spot in the center of the front room that had already dried.  I tried everything and then had two cleaning companies come out that specialized in stains.  This cost a couple hundred, not to mention it didn't work.  You couldn't cover it with furniture, so the only option was to buy new carpeting for the living and dining rooms, plus at least the hallway because it was the same carpet throughout and nothing new would match exactly due to the age of the carpet.

Well, it was a rental and I wasn't doing that even if I could afford it.  We might get dinged on the carpet (though legally landlords are supposed to paint and change the carpet) when we moved, but it wouldn't be as much as replacing it.  So, I cut an organically shaped piece out of a closet and put in a nearly matching carpet sample there.  I took the piece to the living room and cut out the stain and used dog clippers or something to lower the pile and blend it in.  If you didn't know it was there, you couldn't easily tell.

That would be the end of the story, except when I got the final check from the company, I had forgotten per diems with some companies are merely advances and not extra pay (though I usually got this in addition.)  So, backing out the per diems and paying for the dogs, "Ann" and "Bertha" left me with nearly nothing, nothing or in the hole.  Can't remember.  Certainly after the carpet, way in the hole.

My wise brother Jeff summed it up by saying, "Well, now you know this is something you don't want to do anymore."  I gave it a try and learned from it.  So mistakes are often kind of helpful in a painful way.  I could focus on another direction.  The show came on and it looked okay, but I never accepted another assignment!

Rest In Peace Sophie... our Rhode Island Red hen died right after I finished Part One.  She was fine (at least to me) in the yard a few minutes before.  We are now back to the original nine hens. --GW-T

Until next time,

Gale

My "Rescue 9-1-1" Blunder---Part One

What I really needed was someone to rescue me... "If I were to write a book entitled "Dumb Things I've Done" it would wind up looking like a set of encyclopedias (hey a good way to organize it!)  I would have to say that this story would be in the Top Ten." --GW-T

I'm typing this story totally from memory (one that I have suppressed for maybe 18 years):

Once upon a time, there was this gal (me) who wanted to make some money as a stay-at-home mom and do something "fun" at the same time.  I owned and trained a wonderful golden retriever bitch "Windi" to obedience high in trial awards, as a water rescue dog in Malibu and a motion picture trick dog during the 1980s.  (I will post about her soon.)  So, I figured doing a little TV/print work around Ohio would be a piece of cake compared to Hollywood.   This was not the case.

My dog love of my life "Windi" had long passed away, but I am well connected in the "dog world."  I have been active in many clubs, forming many life-long friendships with folks who would trust me with their dogs.  I set up a little business and mailed out a few brochures.  I did some print work and would pay a rental fee (or offer, some folks just liked having their dogs in ads) and charge the customer a wrangler fee for myself.  I wasn't getting rich, but all I had to do was a little training and show up ---usually.

My "big break" was when a casting director called and asked me to send some photos of collies to do a "Rescue 9-1-1" in Dayton.  This was a reality show way before they were popular.  All I had to do was match dogs and have a spare that could paw at a door and push it open.  No biggie.  I also needed to give them a rate upfront.  That comes into play later.

I have lots of friends with collies, so I easily found a matching pair, way better looking than the original dog, but nobody would know that.  I found one of them through a trainer friend, who wanted to become involved.  So, I decided to be broker and turn over the training which could take a few hours to her.  Unfortunately, the owner of the main dog decided she too wanted to participate.  That has never been my policy as the potential for disaster is exponentially multiplied---and I usually like being right, but not this time.   The owner was originally just coming along for the ride...I would only be paying the dog...

We, of course, only had a short time to get our act together before the shoot.  Thank goodness the trainer friend I will call "Ann" had a motor home we could use as a home base.  I swung by and picked up my 2nd dog and met them at a rest area.  We got to the hotel in Dayton and settled in with our instructions.  All was well, get up at 4 a.m. and go.

I went to the morning meeting and the director changed everything.  Why I didn't expect that, I don't know.  With "Windi" I could train on the spot if need be, so I guess I hadn't thought about it.  This happens all the time, even though we were supposed to be re-creating an actual event.  The director, who immediately said he hated working with kids and dogs, obviously knew nothing about either.  There was a set of six week old twin babies who were miserable the whole shoot and never stopped crying.  My dogs kept coming unglued with that as it upsets them to hear anything cry.

This director also decided this was his one chance to direct a "Lassie" episode and wanted us to have the dog walk in the nursery, put feet on the bed, see the baby not breathing, fretting and barking, then circling a certain number of times,  jumping on the bathroom door as well as pawing, push it open and jump in a shower, dragging the mother out to "save" the baby.  Shooting would start in 30 minutes.  We had to be done by dark.  And oh, there won't be room on the credits to add me.

I left the meeting shell-shocked and went back to the motor home to explain.  This was to be shot in a sequence and not takes of each trick, meaning the dog would have to go from A to B to C on it's own.  There would have to be all three of us directing that poor dog.  The house was tiny and between us, the cameraman, gaffers, sound guy, etc. it was crowded and overwhelming to the dogs.  My beautiful second dog was mostly an insurance policy and not really trained.  I did work with her on the door stuff a little.  Everything obviously had to be hand signaled as you can't have us hollering commands all through the scene.

I went back to the A.P. (assistant producer) and explained the situation.  We would need some time to rehearse in the house at the very least and I would see what I could do, but this was not in the original agreement and I was making no promises.  They could tape some barking and plug it in where necessary and we had to get the dog to do that without saying anything.  Try it sometime.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, my original babysitter was unavailable and poor Mark had to arrange a replacement at the last minute as he had a business to run.  This also turned into a disaster and the dollar a minute cell phone bill escalated---chipping away at my "profit."  This would prove to be the least of my worries.

Believe me, you will want to come back next week "for the rest of the story"...

Until then, have a great week!

Gale