Disclaimer: I ordinarily don't write about indelicate matters, but if by sharing it helps someone it's worth it. I also don't in any way mean to make light of a very scary topic, but "a spoonful of sugar" can make most anything easier to take. (Besides, any puns wrote themselves...)
When I was the big 5-0 I went in for that dreaded colonoscopy. It is a pain in the rear in more ways than one, but the alternative seemed worse. The actual procedure went fine (I guess) but there were a lot of other parts to it that didn't go well. I'm not going into details, but when I was scheduled to repeat the event, I decided that there had to be some other way as it just wasn't for me right now.
I saw a commercial for Colonguard and asked my doctor to get me one with the promise if it showed anything, I would go get the regular test. A few days later a box appeared on my doorstep. I of course let it sit around awhile (indoors!) while I geared up for it.
When I finally opened it, there was a scary-looking half inch thick manual with the most detailed instructions I've ever seen. Fortunately, a quarter inch of it was in Spanish. The book was thick because the print and illustrations were huge. I will spare you the details, but I can't imagine after reading it (or even looking at the pictures) anyone could possibly screw it up--just a certain order blah, blah, blah. It's not something you would want to do before you rush out the door for work, so another few days went by.
Finally, D-Day came because I was determined to get this off my to-do(do) list! You have to ship it overnight priority within 48 hours. Didn't think too much about having to ship it back...why can't they just do this at the local lab? You reuse the box it came in. The container is thick enough to shield nuclear waste and it goes in a thick Ziplock bag, so really no danger of anything leaking, etc.
You could call for a pick up (this is would be a great way to deter package thieves...imagine their surprise!) That wasn't happening. I normally drop UPS stuff off at the local Pak Mail, but as I got in the Jeep I began to re-think this as I go there a lot. The alternative though was to waltz it clear through to the back of the hardware store that subs for UPS, with employees greeting you every few steps. I'm driving hoping that I wouldn't get in an accident that the box couldn't sustain, imagining being killed while packing a box of poo, when I decide to drop off a letter at the post office first. (One bright side, if my package had to be returned by regular mail, they actually ask you what's in it!)
Then what to my wandering eyes should appear???? A UPS guy making deliveries next to the post office. I pull in. It's not really sunny, but I'm wearing large sunglasses, thankful that the box's mailing and return addresses are the same--my name is not on it anywhere. It doesn't say anything about what it is. However, it dawns on me that maybe I shouldn't have gotten the personalized plates! He saw me pull in, but had already taken a load of boxes into what apparently is an office building. He took several minutes and I felt like a stalker. Fortunately, he's not on my route so I won't likely see him again....
He returns and graciously accepts my precious parcel (hopefully, not knowing what was in it) and off he (and it) goes.
I thought I would get the results in a week or so...Well, it's been almost a month and no results. However, my Blue Cross insurance did post that they got a bill for $640 and that they weren't gonna pay anything. Really??? I agree the bill is outlandish, but still it has to be way cheaper than the regular procedure. It never dawned on me it wouldn't be covered, so I didn't even ask. (Hindsight really is 20/20! Sorry, couldn't help myself again....)
Well, I call Accolade, my insurance advocate service, and was told that, nope, it's not covered. She suggested I call and try to negotiate for half of it, which I will when I finally get the bill in the mail. (Probably before I get the results...hope this means I'm fine or otherwise I could be dead before I find out!)
I will let you know if and when I find out a) the results and b) the final bill!
Another lesson learned the hard way...Do any of you have thoughts or suggestions?
Until next time,